Love Can Heal All
by fbipandagirl
Summary: Alec has to fight with himself just to be with Magnus...will it work? This takes place somewhere around the time of City of Ashes.


"Magnus!" Alec stormed into his apartment, slamming the door. Magnus popped around the corner, a look of confusion on his face.

"What?"

Alec stopped, balling up his fists. "Izzy told me you were leaving roses outside of the Institute for her."

"Come on, it's a sweet gesture," Magnus waved him off.

Alec pointed his finger. "Not when they're addressed from Simon! He's dating Clary and you can't get my sisters hopes up just because I'm not here to keep you entertained!" Magnus started laughing, causing Alec to knit his eyebrows together. "What's so funny? I'm yelling at you right now!"

"Hon, the only way you could look anymore gay is if you put your hand on your hip while yelling at your boyfriend," Magnus smirked as he showed Alec the pose. Blood rushed up Alec's face as he flicked his eyes to his hand, noticing his pointed finger for the first time. He quickly crossed his arms and cleared his throat, trying to force the color from his face.

"Aww, did I make you feel self-conscious?" Magnus pouted his lip. "Go back to doing it, it was adorable."

"No, Alec said, his expression hard.

Magnus sighed and dropped his arms. "Alexander, this can't keep happening."

"What can't?"

"This." Magnus motioned towards him. "You folding into yourself and shutting everyone out any time someone makes an innocent quip at you being gay!"

Alec scowled and hugged himself. "Well you shouldn't make those jokes if you know that I'm not comfortable with them."

Magnus rubbed his face. "But you need to stop being uncomfortable with them and accept yourself for who you are. Otherwise, what's the point of us being together? You can't laugh at yourself if you don't accept yourself and I want to date someone who can laugh at themselves."

"Maybe I don't want to laugh at myself!" Alec started to shake, his blue eyes filling with fire. "Maybe I don't want to be who I am! I tried that a long time ago…it doesn't work! You have no idea how many times people have laughed at me for being me. My own parents are ashamed me, for gods sake. So I'm sorry if I can't accept the part of myself that I've been trained to hate and be ashamed of."

"Alec-"

"And the fact that the part of myself I've been repressing all my life is the same part that, rightfully so, you're wanting me to show you?"

The fire in his eyes began to be replaced with water, threatening to cascade.

"I feel like I am in a constant war with myself. I want to try and show you how I feel; I really do. But trying to unlock these emotions that I feel towards you is so damn painful and terrifying that I can't help but shut everyone out until I can calm myself down and not break whenever someone makes a small joke, no matter how innocent it is."

Magnus' mouth was slightly agape. He shook his head. "I had no idea you were so conflicted."

Alec nodded his head and furiously wiped the tears that had fallen on his cheeks. "It's so easy for you, Magnus. You're a warlock; you're allowed to be as flamboyant and open as you want about who you are. You've never had to deal with being repressed into a shell and forced to act like everyone else."

Magnus squinted his cats eyes. "Now wait just a minute. You cannot begin to act like you know what I had to go through as a child."

"Oh yeah, like what? What could you have possibly had to deal with?"

Fists clenched, Magnus glared at Alec. "My own mother didn't know how to deal with me not having human eyes so she killed herself in our barn. Then, since that was obviously my fault, my own step-father tried to drown me in our pond. I remember watching the ducks cry and scatter as he threw me in the water. I remember the taste of the fish and water plants in my mouth. I remember the terror of what I thought were my last moments and how I lay choking and sobbing on the edge of that damn pond as my step-father stalked off and out of my life forever."

Alec's tears stopped falling.

"So don't you DARE say I haven't had to suffer to get where I am. I had to force my mind to accept myself and it took a very long time just to become comfortable with being a warlock, believe me." Magnus unclenched his fists and softened his face. "Which is why I understand just how hard it is to come to terms with your sexuality. You think gays and bi's are looked down upon now? Just think about when I was growing up. I could've been killed for being attracted to both guys and girls! Not to mention having very obvious golden cat eyes."

"I never knew all of that." Alec mumbled and shot his gaze to the floor, feeling the burning creep up his cheeks again. He heard Magnus sigh and take a few steps closer, his bare feet stopping right in front of Alec's.

"It's ok. I don't tell all the details to just anybody," Magnus said softly. Alec felt pressure on his chin as Magnus tilted it up, locking their eyes. "And you're not just anybody to me anymore, Alexander."

Alec fought the urge to turn his eyes away. "I don't know how to stop these feelings, though. How is this going to work between us if I'm just going to be insecure and scared all the time?"

"Because," Magnus placed his hands on Alec's elbows, which were still hugging his body. "Because I love you, that's why."

Alec swallowed and pressed his forehead against Magnus'. He closed his eyes, wanting nothing more than to fall into his boyfriend's arms and shut out the world. "But what if that won't be enough? What if I'll be like this forever and never be able to show you how I feel?"

"I don't think that'll be a problem," Magnus purred, his breath hitting Alec's cheek.

"How do you know-"

Alec's words were cut off by a soft pressure on his lips. His eyes sprang open to see Magnus closer than he'd ever been before. Instead of wriggling away, like he'd normally have done, Alec closed his eyes and unwound his arms from around himself. Slowly, he reached over to Magnus and wound them up his back instead, resting one on his shoulder and one on his waist. Alec could feel Magnus smile and slide his hands up to his shoulders, gently brushing the hair that touched the base of his neck. Alec's hands started shaking but he leaned into Magnus anyway, kissing him harder.

A few minutes passed before Magnus pulled away. His mouth twitched into a mischievous smile as he squeezed Alec's shoulders.

"That's how I know we won't have a problem," He said.

Alec let out a shuddering breath and twisted his hands in Magnus' shirt. He felt a wave of emotions bubble up inside of him and before they could show on his face, he buried himself in his boyfriend's chest, feeling the softness of his shirt. He felt Magnus's strong heartbeat as he chuckled.

"That kiss didn't feel scared or insecure."

Alec just shrugged silently. Magnus kissed the top of his head.

"I love you, Alexander. We'll be all right."

Alec just nodded into Magnus' chest, focusing on his heartbeat and feeling his walls start to crumble ever so slightly. Being wrapped in Magnus' arms, he could feel himself drawing strength and confidence from him. He would always need his strength.


End file.
